Two weeks ago, I came up for air after a period of intensive study.   Breathing more fully, I could open to space.  I felt called to the bluebell woods, to dip in the sea, to tend to our  garden. My energy was high with excitement, for a couple of days.  Before the crash.

Not a major crash but my body giving me a firm ‘No’…a ‘stop…slow down’.  I slept and slept, moved slower, listened to my body.  Gradually my nervous system found its way back into balance.    My energy rose again.

I was relieved to manage this wave.   After weeks of researching chronic fatigue and looking at the importance of how to attune to ourselves.  It’s satisfying to get beyond the theory and make it a living practice.

It has been interesting to delve into the latest research about chronic fatigue and reminding myself of the way it is often viewed in the medical community.  A condition without a proper diagnosis sits uncomfortably in the biomedical model of western medicine.

I felt the stirring of old memories of the isolation I encountered as a student going through this experience in the early 80s, before chronic fatigue was even labelled as a condition.  Ill-equipped to support me, doctors gave me antibiotics and anti-depressants, both of which further de-stabilised my system.   I craved support and empathy for the way I was feeling and feasted on any morsels coming my way that helped me to regulate and find greater ease.

There may not be a cure for chronic fatigue.   But what is known is, like many other chronic diseases, chronic fatigue has its roots in early life stress and the related disruption in the attachment to our primary caregiver.   It’s not just psychological, it’s also wired into our biology which drives the way we deal with stress and challenges throughout our life.

I find myself coming back to this again and again.  Exploring how to give myself the attunement that was lacking earlier in life, to re-wire my nervous system in the present, with practices for the mat and for daily living.   Tending my inner garden is at the heart of my life’s work and play.  Leading to integration of mind, body, heart and connection to I am at a deeper level.  Finding connection to joy.     Giving to myself so that I can offer a fuller cup to share with others.

I explore these ideas in my courses and classes and bring the learning to life with embodied movement and meditation. In some classes/courses we dip our toes in the water to find our safety.  In others courses, where safety is established, we dive into the inner landscape.  Diving for pearls…of wisdom and healing.

Do let me know if this resonates.  I love hearing from you.